We are empaths and romantics, and we feel your needs. Often, we feel that your discomfort is, if not our fault, our responsibility to assuage.
How do we find you? We look for the conflict. Or the sickest of us will create it for you.
Runny nose? Here’s a tissue. Better yet, here’s a handkerchief – the cotton will be easier on your skin. Don’t worry, I’ll throw it in the wash when you’re through. And if I get sick from you that’s fine, I’ll be in it with you, part of your misery. Problem at work? Tell me. I want to hear all about it. I can listen, I can solve, whatever you need. Don’t worry, I’ll eat later, sleep later, whatever later. Cancer? Oh, my dear, I’m on my way. I’ll drive to you, fly to you. I’ll be ok, I’ll be fine.
The problem with us is our overinflated sense that we can fix anything. Of course, we fail to see that. What we see is a world of hurt and we want to take it away. That’s our job. And what we don’t say but secretly wish is that we’ll get the glory of being the one to help, to fix, the hero. We rarely get seen but even if so, the thanks fall short.
Our therapists, either hired or familial, talk about boundaries. When we’re overstretched as usual, we’ll think of setting limits, imagining happier lives. Free time, healthy relationships, personal advancement are the promises. But can we be happy if someone else isn’t? Probably not. Besides, what purpose can we have in life if we’re not helping.
We need to be needed and it comes at a cost: you must owe us forever. Your future successes are because of us, you couldn’t have done it without us, we are the reason you got where you got. If you didn’t get there, that’s on you; it’s not because we didn’t try.
And we don’t look for those who can help themselves. They seem cold, distant, robotic. Or they become that way when we’ve worn them out.
We ourselves are sick. The caretaker cannot take care of themself. If you find someone who does, they’re only in it for the money or for how it looks. We’re in it to truly help. They are not and we’re jealous of them.